Teens and Bullying

But what is really going on? And what does bullying mean?

Whether physical, verbal, or cyber, bullying is repetitive, intentional aggression aimed to activate an asymmetry or imbalance of power between the bully and the victim.

There are many reasons as to why a person may bully someone else. They may do it for popularity and power, or peer pressure pushes them into doing it. There are cases where bullying is caused by abusive homes and how their parents treat the bullies themselves, which can make them take out their frustration and anger on the people who surround them, not least those who appear weak or vulnerable.

I came across a piece written in 2018 by Alessandro D'Avenia, an Italian author and journalist who defines bullies as teens without perfume and a sense of purpose. A solid definition, but at the same time, sadly very appropriate, actual, and highly evocative. In his article, Avenia compares aggressors to the main character of Patrick Süskind’s bestseller, “Perfume.” The book tells the story of a young orphan, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, who was abandoned by his mother in a market. Jean-Baptiste was “born without love and was therefore devoid of any odor.” ( Avenia, Corriere della Sera, 2018). However, he was gifted with a unique sense of smell, and his dream was to find the perfect perfume to win people's hearts. And to make it happen, he is ready to do anything, even to kill twenty-four beautiful girls.

Every bully has different reasons for pursuing a specific behaviour or action, but I would tend to agree with Avenia that the common denominator is lack of love, which leads to a lack of identity. “For this reason, like the leading perfumer, they become violent and "seductive" in order to be considered and loved” (Avenia, Corriere della Sera, 2018).

How to tackle this issue? What are possible solutions?

There are no easy answers to such complex phenomena. However, it is important to create awareness and leverage on positive values and create the right conditions where the victims feel safe to open up. Indeed, this is the other side of the coin: very often, the victims feel ashamed or scared, so they choose not to say anything. Sometimes parents are blind to the signs of bullying. However, there are many clues a parent, or another adult, or even a friend can pick up and realise that someone is having problems and is trying to avoid them. A child might refuse to go to school and make up crazy excuses; they might start doing badly in school due to stress and anxiety, they may become more isolated from others and become depressed. These are just a few of the many signs a parent or a teacher, a classmate, or a friend can look for and acknowledge the fact that a student, a friend, or their own child is feeling bad and ashamed due to being a victim of bullying and the tough times that someone could be going through.

Although there may be some compassion towards a bully due to their own circumstances as their actions may well be a cry for help, certain behaviour cannot be tolerated or accepted either in schools or at home. Very often, their actions can lead to grave consequences for the victims.

If you notice someone being bullied, you are a witness of wrongdoing taking place right in front of you. In these situations, there are two types of people: those who choose to ignore the problem and pretend as if nothing had happened, and those who step up and choose to try and help and correct the situation. It is not only the important part of rectifying the problem and the rough times of the victim, but they can also help the bully to mend their ways and understand their errors and own behaviour. Those who choose to ignore the situation are just as much in the wrong as are the oppressors. It is, of course, difficult and scary to try and step into such situations. It is vital that schools, in particular, offer a way and an outlet for reporting, discussing, and having openness and awareness around the issue of bullying.